PULLING HOLLYWOOD STYLE

I did it !

Finally, after years of seeing hollywood crooners in fantasticly simple situations, all the elements syncronised for little ol' me. 'All good things' as they say

I stepped into the void of personal space and then said it. With bold veracity, without the fortitude of lads egging me on. i said "You've got beautiful eyes"

I knew i'd do it one day,

And the situation was movie classic . That ultimate magic moment when he sees her, she sees him. Their eyes meet in a typical daily chance encounter and he says something spontaneous, simple and charming. She blushes , and the rest is Richard Gere and Julia Roberts.

The elements ? I was shopping in Borders near Charing Cross and she was a sales assistant. Her head was facing downwards and she was turned to the side

" Excuse me", said I "What time do you close?"

and as she turned around and looked at me she took my breath away, just like that.

She was heavenly. Tied back brunette hair with eyes that really were like lympet pools with the value of sapphires. Brown, accentuated with perfectly shaped brows. Pure, clear skin and a perfect complexion.

It so happened that i was in my most flattering suit, freshly shaved and relaxed . The gods must have been smiling on me. It's gotta be because i'm a ood guy. Even her height was perfect.

The four simple words rolled out. Four little words that linger in our heads like lottery tickets twenty times a day

It's complicated after all. It isn't a crime yet it badgers us, nay purges us every time we don't say it, banging on our grey matter like chinese water torture

The guys want to say it to the girls , the girls want so say it to the guys (mind you we most often actually want to say " fancy a quickie ?" but...) , by and large , breaking down the barriers with a charming pleasantry sits high among fantasy acheivements

And then, when she/he brushes past you on the train and your mental receptors are haywire like a washer on full spin, your eyes dart into your newspaper like a rabbit in a blitz .

You become aware that something as preposterous as (though god forbid,) a train crash or a crack in the earth would pardon you from having to face the accountability for such pathetic human weakness . After all it's only a compliment. Isn't that what we polish our appearence for ?, and you think

' I should have said something right there. I'm sure I was getting the right signals. That was definetly eye contact

And as he/she goes, you see her skipping into a daisy coloured field, holding your hand and delving in hot passions and now she's the future that got away through a sliding door

So there i was, in Borders. I'd just asked here what time closing was and this mermaid looks at me with this masterpiece of a face with sapphires for eyes and i said it.

Tell a wee lie,it was tinged with a smidgen of nerves and i emphasised with 'You've got f***ing beautiful eyes which i think was profound because she responded with the most nervous smile and went red. I could near feel her body temperature rise out of shock induced intimidation rather than flirty coyness and she scurried off muttering "Thank you."

She b-lined off to the safety of her till enclosure and her collleague who was evidently all ears to her bleating outpour

Meanwhile i searched for an alternative exit feeling more like a dork out of Notting Hill